Life as it is now…

Posted on May 12, 2007

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Times have been getting really hard right now with the whole “lets move to Florida” thing. I don’t want to go but out of respect for Dustin and his dreams, I decided to go because I love him. Well its getting harder and harder each day to actually go through with the move. We seem to be fighting more and more about stuff that is trivial. Yes I know I get defensive when I get accused of things but thats just how I am. Unfortunatley when I get this way, he thinks its because I have something to hide and that I am lying. I do love him, I really do but I don’t think I am I IN LOVE WITH HIM anymore. Do you know what I mean? I’m not even sure it makes sense to me. Is it possible to love someone but not be IN LOVE with them? So now i’m stuck. If I go then i’ll be there on a one way ticket and if anything goes wrong then i’m basically screwed, but if I don’t go then he will be coming back to PA. I mean if thats what he wants to do because I don’t come down there then that is his choice but I can’t seem to get it out of the back of my mind that he is telling me this just to get me to feel bad. Like to say that I am the whole reason that he failed in his dreams of having a good job and good life. I can have a good life here. I just need to get the nerve to tell him how I feel and do what is best for ME and not worry about everyone else and how I rate in their eyes. If i don’t then i’ll never be happy. So basically I am damed if I do and damed if I don’t in this situation. What do you guys think? (wait, who the hell am I talking to, the only person readin this is possibly Jamie and Matt) Oh well!

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